Saturday, July 06, 2013

What does love have to do with it?

When my son was a teenager we had the "drug talk."
It must have gone pretty well, because at Berkeley High, the weed central of the bay area, he had no interest in pot, and would go to alcohol parties and try out his acting chops, acting drunk, but didn't drink.

The gist of the talk was this:
Drugs are a good window, but a bad room.

They can show you what the bigger, more free, more amazing world could be, but if you use them every day, you'll be where you want to be, but not know how to get there, and you'll be trapped in getting the drug to get to the room, and eventually forget the room in a way.

They show the way.

And I said that throughout history, people have done drugs on Full Moon, or New Years, or Easter, or during the Peace Pipe ceremony even for the smoking of tobacco. And on these occasions they showed the way.

What has this got to do with love.

Falling in love is like a drug.

It shows the way to the wide open, unconditional way we need to be in the world.

Unlike drugs, we could be falling in love all the time, it's just that we get habituated to the person we are around, and worse, we start using them as a projection screen for what we don't like in ourselves.

So their nosiness, or inconsideration, or lack of appreciation, or inability to understand us, are all mirrors to our own nosiness, inconsideration, lack of appreciation, and inability to understand others.

But they are around, hey, and it's easier to get annoyed at them.
So we do.

And falling in love goes down the toilet.

But we say we love them, and we might say, "except I don't like you."

"I love you but I don't like you," could be he summary of at least half the marriages and long term relationships in this country.

Is that you?

Which means: love is conditional. When you do X, Y and Z, I disapprove and want to tell you that you are wrong, or disengage, or attack.

But not love.

Unconditional love means love in all conditions.

This is what love has to do with sex.

Any time we can't love our partner ( or anyone we are with), the signal is up: WE HAVE WORK TO DO.

The work will clear the path so we can get turned on and kiss and play and dance and enjoy the other.

In the meantime, OM each day. Have 15 minutes of finger to clitoris connection, not matter if loving or liking or hating.

Connection no matter what.

This is the glue of a real relationship.


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